Schizo? Maybe. But atleast we can accept me.

2003-11-06T23:06:00.000-08:00

i got a livejournal.

livejournal.com/users/calendersdying

go there. now.

foo.

2003-11-03T00:25:00.000-08:00

this is to the demon:

Everytime we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that i get
But i haven't missed you yet
Every room-mate kept awake
By every silent scream we make
All the feelings that i get
But i still don't miss you yet

Only when i stop to think about it

I hate everything about you
why do i love you
I hate everything about you
why do i love you

everytime we lie awake
after every hit we take
every feeling that i get
but i haven't missed you yet

only when I stop to think about it

I hate everything about you
why do i love you
I hate everything about you
why do i love you

only when i stop to think about you,
I know
only when you stop to think about me,
do you know

I hate everything about you
why do I love you
you hate everything about me
why do you love me

I hate
you hate
I hate
you love me

I hate everything about you
why do I love you

2003-11-01T18:35:00.000-08:00

I call you! Hooray! You'll always be my best friend. Double hooray!

2003-11-01T16:32:00.000-08:00

BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD BoReD

2003-11-01T12:39:00.000-08:00

Being sick is the devil. Watching boys do social dance is not the devil. The Ring is a silly movie. Full of magic and wonderment. Is wonderment a word? It is now. Yee. I should eat now. 'Cause you know eating, it's required to live. Oh yeahhhh. Have a marvelous day folks.

2003-10-26T12:01:00.000-08:00

Mikayla, I hate you.

2003-10-23T22:25:00.000-07:00

Sarah! I love you. A lot.

2003-10-19T23:26:00.000-07:00

Racket Head

i'm sorry.
so sorry i'm not perfect,
not the little angel i was.
i search for her incessantly to make you happy,
but i think all this hurt has killed her.

i only want to please you,
but in trying to doing that
it seems i've lost myself.
and somewhere in between all those
gold star reports
and
A plus projects
the smiling little girl
who laughed and beared a smile
can now hardly bear to smile.

i know you don't believe me,
how could one possibly lose herself?
i've asked myself the same
and came to the conclusion
that she is gone;
all of her goodness,
her innocence-
your appeasing puppet
is gone.

i try- i really do.
i search all those places she used to go;
those pictures she used to draw-
to find a hint as to where she's gone
but all i seem to find
is all the hurt that was built up inside,
slowly leaking into the ink of the pen
she so frequently wrote with.

maybe i know too much
to smile anymore.
just being aware of all the pain in the world
makes me want to sacrifice myself for the smallest thing.
and it spirals me into this strange feeling
that i do not deserve this life.
all these people with such hunger
and all i do is sit here
with a frown on my face
and a full plate.
i will not be pleased
until i am starving.
starving and pure;
starving and happy;
starving and free;
such wonderful things associated with hunger.

i think i'm going crazy.
is it normal to cry for no reason?
to sit and realize that you have good grades,
good food,
and a nice house
and break into hysterics?
is it ok to watch someone smile
and get this overwhelming sense
of wanting to smother them?
i don't have enough trust in anyone-
to actually believe anyone could ever love me
or feel anything but hatred toward me
is almost impossible.

i try to tell myself
the would be's
and the could be's
and the should be's
of my life.
i would be making them unhappy.
i could be making them unhappy.
i should be unhappy.

i deserve this.
i deserve this pain,
this blood,
these tears.
i deserve fear,
and unworthiness.
i deserve what he brings me,
and nothing more.

i'm going through wars in my mind.
so when i tell you to stop screaming,
and you haven't said a word,
please know that i'm just trying to quiet this racket in my head.

2003-10-13T14:25:00.000-07:00

It's like the Big J said, "Forgive them, for they know not what they do."

2003-10-13T14:24:00.000-07:00

Gimme gimme gimme some gravy tonight. That's from Sister Act. Good stuff. Don't fight. It's dumb. That's all for today, folks.

2003-10-05T15:22:00.000-07:00

You are sophisticated Marilyn. You enjoy reading,
or at least act like you do, and always have
something witty at the tip of your tongue.
You're refined and dignified. Friends
catagorize you as a "classy doll" and
respect your self-respect and diligence. lucky
number- 5 ::: lucky color- navy ::: something
to look forward to this week-you'll win a
debate ::: advice-take a vacation.

Which Marilyn Monroe are YOU?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-09-23T02:55:00.000-07:00

Whew. I'm not failing. Weehoo. I was terrified that I was, considering I miss a lot of school, but I just checked, and I'm not. I have to stay focused. Help me. Also, why don't I sleep at night? Rephrase...why do I choose to sleep all day? Cause I'm terribly lazy. Shoot. I need motivation. Not bootcamp motivation, but motivation. Homecoming may turn out good. YaY. And I'm spent.

2003-09-16T19:23:00.000-07:00

You Are Retro Sexy!

You have a classic sex appeal that passes the test of time.

You're feminine, subtle with your seductions, and perfectly tuned into men.

A woman with your attention to detail is rare find and a true prize.

You're an incredible catch for any guy, especially rich older ones.

What Kind of Sexy Are *You*?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

2003-09-16T17:29:00.000-07:00

Exhibitionist

The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-09-03T20:28:00.000-07:00

You have an entrancing kiss~ the kind that leaves
your partner bedazzled and maybe even feeling
he/she is dreaming. Quite effective; the kiss
that never lessens and always blows your
partner away like the first time.

What kind of kiss are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-08-27T15:07:00.000-07:00

Dear Glady,
Holy cow, what has it been, 5 seconds since we last talked?! Woah, I almost exploded. So how are you? I'm alright--I still have both my arms. Things just will never improve between me and my mother. I don't want to go back there, and she hasn't said much regarding my return. She cut me off, though, from money. She can take everything, the computer, the phone, I don't care anymore. I know she'll never turn off the phone, though. She wouldn't know where I was anymore. But the only thing she says when she does call is "You're a BITCH and I can't handle you."So Sara's mom said that it was alright if I stayed there for a while. I really hate her though, my mother. I wouldn't care if we never saw or talked to eachother again. I swear. She just, I don't know. I hate her. Her voice, her comments, her insults, her ideas, her morals. She is a sucky mother, and I don't ever want to see her again. I swear, Glady. My own grandparents don't even talk to me anymore. I really have been cut off. But the thing is, I couldn't care less. I've always been a screw up to them. I wont get to see you for a while. I can't get any rides. I'll never get a license, or a car. I hate people.
School is okay. Sometimes I freak about college though. Sometimes, well, most of the time, I do feel like a screw up. I wont get help. They all hate me, and I hate them too.
Tracie is dead set on getting me converted. Elizabeth Dunn is really into it too. I don't know, I'm just confused about the whole thing. It would just give everyone another reason to hate me. By everyone I mean my family. You're so lucky to have such a supportive and caring family. Do you know how long I've prayed for that my whole life? I was thinking I would get a job while Sara was at school so I could try to get some money. I hope you don't think I'm kidding or anything. It's so real now that it scares me. Running away seems so easy right now, but I can't leave school. Don't be surprised if I show up at your door at 3 AM. Would you make me go back? Would your mom? My mom wouldn't come after me-not that it matters. I hate her anyways. But no, I wouldn't do that to you. I'm just thinking out loud. I'm sorry. It's just scary, I guess. But I'm not going home. I refuse.
I know I'm wearing out my welcome here, so I don't really know where to go next. Probably my grandma's. I hope you don't think me pathetic. I really feel so right now. I'm sorry, this is just a vent session. I need someone to talk to. I miss you a lot sometimes, when I need a refuge from things. I'll let you go. I love you--You're always my best friend.
Love, Barbie.

2003-08-13T04:35:00.000-07:00

Smile though your heart is aching
Smile even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

2003-08-04T17:07:00.000-07:00

Your touch is electric
I felt it the first time you held me
The way we connected
So easily
I’ve tried to define it
Searched for the perfect phrase
I’ve tried to describe it
In a million different ways

It’s joy, it’s ecstasy, it’s truth it’s destiny
And even love is not enough
To tell you how you make me feel
There’s only one word for this

I’ve got to admit it
You took my heart by surprise
Don’t know how you did it
But baby, I’ve never felt so alive
I already know what the future holds
As long as you are here with me

It’s joy, it’s ecstasy, it’s truth, it’s destiny
To tell you how you make me feel
It’s faith, it’s honesty, it’s life, it’s everything
To say “I love you” is not enough
To tell you how you make me feel…
It’s in your smile, it’s in your kiss
It’s the reason I exist
There’s only one word for this
It’s bliss

2003-08-02T13:08:00.000-07:00

Congratulations darling! You're Holly Golightly
from Breakfast at Tiffanys. You love a good
party and you always look fabulous, but you're
really just looking for that one man who isn't
a rat.

Which Audrey Hepburn Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-07-31T14:44:00.000-07:00

I'm not dead. Just incase you were wondering.

2003-07-10T16:18:00.000-07:00

Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow is heaven.

2003-07-02T21:33:00.000-07:00

What Finding Nemo Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-06-22T21:57:00.000-07:00

So driving test number one was a complete disaster. But there's always try number 2. Or 3....

2003-06-19T13:05:00.000-07:00

Take the test, by Emily.

2003-06-15T21:24:00.000-07:00

You're Angelina Jolie...you may jump from thing to
thing...but you know who you are and no one
helped you to get there. You a crazy mamma
jamma...

What actress are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-06-13T17:48:00.000-07:00

It's so hard to tell yourself that you're not depressed and you're okay. I try to stay busy and keep my thoughts happy, but I just
am so terribly depressed, I feel like I've lost my other half. It seems like I'll never get there. I mean I've got everything but a way up there. I'm just frustrated and I feel so helpless.

2003-06-13T13:16:00.000-07:00

Conscious self	Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Test

2003-06-09T15:49:00.000-07:00

ThtrLoser18215: lol no offense, but it's kinda hard to forget almost ANYTHING you say.
LuckyBear634: anything i say?
ThtrLoser18215: i still remember half of the things you said to me in 5th grade!
LuckyBear634: you do??
LuckyBear634: i dont

LuckyBear634: holey cow
ThtrLoser18215: oh yeah.
ThtrLoser18215: didn't think you would.
LuckyBear634: tell me some
ThtrLoser18215: um.... you were with one of your friends (don't ask me who...) and you said "watch this! hey nicole, are you CONSTIPATED? ::laughing:: she doesn't know what that is!!!"
ThtrLoser18215: you called me a bitch once.
LuckyBear634: omg
LuckyBear634: are you serious??
LuckyBear634: what else?
ThtrLoser18215: there was something about a black cat.... only i can't exactly remember how that one went.
ThtrLoser18215: lol
ThtrLoser18215: um.... you called me fat at least once a week...
LuckyBear634: gosh i was a real bitch
ThtrLoser18215: at least i think that was you... maybe it was ana...
ThtrLoser18215: no.... that was ana.
LuckyBear634: i dont think i wouldve called you fat
ThtrLoser18215: no.
LuckyBear634: because i was fat in 5th grade
ThtrLoser18215: you're too creative for that.
ThtrLoser18215: lol
LuckyBear634: and thats one thing that i dont make fun of...weight
LuckyBear634: well dont worry about ana, you shoulda called her tissue tits

2003-06-08T22:48:00.000-07:00

So Far Away-Carole King
self-explanitory

So far away,
doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door
Doesn't help to know you're just time away
Long ago I reached for you and there you stood
Holding you again could only do me good
How I wish I could, but you're so far away
One more song about movin' along the highway
Can't say much of anything that's new
If I could only work this life out my way
I'd rather spend it bein' close to you.
But you're so far away, doesn't anybody stay in one place any more
It would be so fine to see your face at my door
Doesn't help to know you're so far away
Travelin' around sure gets me down and lonley
Nothin' else to do but close my mind
I sure do hope the road don't come to own me
There's so many dreams
I've yet to find
But your so far away
Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore
It would be so fine to see your face at my door
And it doesn't help to know youre so far away...

2003-06-05T00:36:00.000-07:00

It's really happening.

2003-06-03T21:45:00.000-07:00

LuckyBear634: give me a boyfriend
BaSkEtCaSe441: ok
LuckyBear634: ?!?
BaSkEtCaSe441: it should be at your door in four to six weeks.

2003-06-01T11:26:00.000-07:00

Crazy, for thinking that my love could hold you,
I'm crazy for trying, and crazy for crying, and I'm crazy for loving you.

2003-05-31T22:26:00.000-07:00

Strange
Patsy Cline

Strange, how you stopped loving me,
How you stopped needing me,
When she came along,
Oh, how strange....
Strange, you changed like night and day,
Just upped and walked away,
When she came along,
Oh, how strange.
Well, I guess that I was just your puppet
You held on a string,
To think I thought you really loved me,
But look what thoughts can bring.
Strange, you're still in all my dreams,
Oh what a funny thing,
I still care for you,
Oh, how strange!
Well, I guess that I was just your puppet
You held on a string,
To think I thought you really loved me,
But look what thoughts can bring, oh, oh, oh....
Strange, you're still in all my dreams,
Oh what a funny thing,
I still care for you,
Oh, how strange! How strange..... how strange..... how strange.....

2003-05-29T21:35:00.000-07:00

Now, don't just walk away
Pretending everything's ok
And you don't care about me
And I know there's just no use
When all your lies become your truths and I don't care...

Could you look me in the eye
And tell me that you're happy now,
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?

You took all there was to take,
And left with an empty plate
And you don't care about it, yeah.
And I, I've given up this game
I'm leaving you with all the blame cause I don't care,

Could you look me in the eye?
And tell me that you're happy now,
Would you tell it to my face or have I been erased,
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?

Do you have everything you want?
You can get up and give everything you`ve got
You can't run away from yourself

Could you look me in the eye?
and tell me that you`re happy now,
come on tell it to my face or have i been erased,
are you happy now?
are you happy now?

Would you look me in the eye?
Could you look me in the eye?
I've had that all I can take
And I'm about to break
Cause I'm happy now,
Are you happy now?

2003-05-27T16:46:00.000-07:00

My stomach hurts. Things are so funny lately. I mean funny in a bad way. Lately all I've wanted to do was something morally
wrong (in my opinion wrong). I want a boy, and to sneak out, and gosh for the last week all I've wanted to do is smoke a damn
cigarette. I haven't smoked in 3 years. Why the heck do I want one now? I'm not saying that I was some drug bad ass in middle
school. But I did do them. I was stupid, but I loved it. Why did I love it? It was wrong. And now I want to do it again. It's all so confusing.
It's so hard to accept something that you just can't accept. I'm trying so hard. And doing so makes me nauseated. Everything about it makes me almost vomit. But I'm doing it. It hurts so bad. It's pathetic I know. And I'm being so hypocritical. I'm the one who encouraged him to confess his feelings. I set up the roses. I even planned a way for him to ask her out. Why on earth then is it killing me slowly? I have no idea why my envy is so strong. But I wont show it, it's too selfish. I'll just let you all know out there in blogger land how my stomach is in painful knots. I wont tell them though. You don't either.
When I went to the beach I thought about Jack. I mean I don't like him or anything, no worries, the thing that I think I miss is the companionship he always showed. I miss having someone, not him. I miss having a boyfriend. Whew I said it. I know it sounds so silly, but it's true. I think that's one reason I get so jealous of *them* (if you know me then you'll know who *they* are.)
I mean they've got eachother. They love eachother, and care a lot about the other one. I miss having that. It hurts to look at it. Idk. I'm done with that rambling for now.

One more thing. Kayla- You're a beautiful person, inside and out. Your intelligence and wit just make you even more so. I admire your strength in handling situations. We're twins. I'm the ugly dumb one, remember? I love you.

2003-05-26T21:28:00.000-07:00

Rent

What Broadway Musical Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-05-15T22:36:00.000-07:00

I hate that fwicken marshmewo.

-HSR

2003-05-14T15:53:00.001-07:00

Okay so today went well. No that's a lie. Today sucked a lot.

I don't want you to leave me alone.
Don't you ever go home?

My gosh you're a damn schizo. I'm so confused. Just two more weeks and me and Brad will be freeeeeeeee......

Ooh oh Will and Grace is on!!

2003-05-14T15:53:00.000-07:00

2003-05-14T07:38:00.000-07:00

Okay, today is going to be good. I wont think about it, and I wont say a word about it. It's supposed to rain today. That should ease the pain somewhat. Oh Lord help me to be unselfish...

2003-05-06T13:52:00.000-07:00

Yo yo I'm in the library. I don't know what to write. I can't get into my website and that smells. Homestar runner wont work either. Damnit. Today I was tired. But I made a big red arrow out of stucky. I don't want to go to rehearsal today, but I suppose I should. I have cramps like you wouldn't believe. I think I want to take over Michigan today. I want a sno cone. How come there's no w in sno cone? That's damn cheap. Did you know that Mrs. Jensen's first name was supposed to be spelled "LeAnne", but the doctor ran out of ink? So her name is LeAn. You know, like lean. She is far from that. I think whenever one of her rabbits die, that she actually got really hungry and there wasn't any food that was easy enough to prepare. Here rabbit rabbit rabbit....Oh dear. So I'm gonna go live somewhere else. I'm running away to Utah. Lol, Utah. Well I don't have much else to write so ttfn.

2003-05-05T21:59:00.000-07:00

LuckyBear634: im tired
LuckyBear634: my plan opens this week
Fatkidh2o: ?
LuckyBear634: play*
Fatkidh2o: that what i thought but wasnt sure
Fatkidh2o: i thought you had some diabolical plan to take over michigan or somthing

2003-05-03T22:09:00.000-07:00

Main Entry: [4]fake
Function: noun
Date: 1827
: one that is not what it purports to be: as a : a worthless imitation passed off as genuine b : IMPOSTOR, CHARLATAN
Main Entry: char·la·tan
Pronunciation: 'shär-l&-t&n
Function: noun
Etymology: Italian ciarlatano, alteration of cerretano, literally, inhabitant of Cerreto, from Cerreto, Italy
Date: 1618
1 : QUACK 2
2 : one making usually showy pretenses to knowledge or ability : FRAUD, FAKER
- char·la·tan·ism /-t&-"ni-z&m/ noun

Main Entry: im·pos·tor
Variant(s): or im.pos.ter /im-'päs-t&r/
Function: noun
Etymology: Late Latin impostor, from Latin imponere
Date: 1624
: one that assumes false identity or title for the purpose of deception

2003-05-03T22:06:00.000-07:00

Main Entry: [4]lie
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English lige, lie, from Old English lyge; akin to Old High German lugI, Old English lEogan to lie
Date: before 12th century
1 a : an assertion of something known or believed by the speaker to be untrue with intent to deceive b : an untrue or inaccurate statement that may or may not be believed true by the speaker
2 : something that misleads or deceives
3 : a charge of lying
1 : to make an untrue statement with intent to deceive
2 : to create a false or misleading impression
Main Entry: li·ar
Pronunciation: 'lI(-&)r
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English lEogere, from lEogan to lie —more at LIE
Date: before 12th century
: one that tells lies

Main Entry: per·snick·e·ty
Pronunciation: p&r-'sni-k&-tE
Function: adjective
Etymology: alteration of pernickety
Date: circa 1905
1 a : fussy about small details : FASTIDIOUS b : having the characteristics of a snob
2 : requiring great precision
- per·snick·e·ti·ness /-n&s/ noun

Main Entry: cow·ard
Pronunciation: 'kau(-&)rd
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old French coart, from coe tail, from Latin cauda
Date: 13th century
: one who shows disgraceful fear or timidity
- coward adjective

2003-05-03T17:21:00.000-07:00

Hmph. I bought a Clifford quillow today. It's nice. I gave my dog a bath, and cleaned quite a bit. I feel accomplished. Yesterday
Tiffany and I went to my dad's house and we watched home videos and ate pizza. It was really fun. I slept really well last night. I
asked if she would scratch my back and she like went on for 20 minutes and I was out. I think we get along so well because she's got that whole caretaker persona and well my mom never really was that type. But you all know that. So it all works out. Right now all I want to do is talk to Brad but he hates me so he wont answer my calls or return them. You know how sometimes
when you're angry and you let your emotions do the thinking for you? Yeah I did that to him. Gosh it was so mean. I said he was
like a freaking dog who follows her around all the damn time, loud enough for him to stop in his tracks. I regret the things I let my
jealousy do for me. I really love Brad; he's like the brother I never had. And I can always call him and we can talk and we're just
really open with one another. And now I'm afraid that I may have lost that because of my mouth. Just sometimes I get mad
because they've honed in on eachother and I have been pushed out of the way. It's just a different relationship and that's what I need to realize. It'll all be over in a month so I wont worry. I love them both a lot. Enough of that. There was something else I wanted to say, but I can't remember....hmm. Well that's about all. Much love.

2003-04-29T22:13:00.000-07:00

He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

2003-04-28T20:39:00.000-07:00

Your heart is green. You've had love, but you somehow screwed it up (you probably stabbed them didn't you?). Now it's pretty
much all you can think about. Everyone is so much happier than you aren't they? You never get the love you deserve do you?
Jealousy is not a pretty thing.

And don't I know it.

2003-04-28T20:38:00.000-07:00

Your Heart is Green

What Color is Your Heart?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-04-27T13:04:00.001-07:00

Isn't that silly? It made me laugh. Better than making me cry, like everything else. Damnit.

2003-04-27T13:04:00.000-07:00

what celebrity feature are you?
mewing.net

2003-04-23T16:18:00.000-07:00

Your a pair of Boxers! oh yeah!

What type of underwear are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-04-22T21:47:00.000-07:00

Damnit why can't I ever remember to bring my world history book home?

Sushi is good.

2003-04-10T16:58:00.000-07:00

How can you see into my eyes
like open doors.
Leading you down into my core
where I've become so numb.
Without a soul
my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home.

(Wake me up.
Wake me up inside.
I can't wake up.
Wake me up inside.
Save me.
Call my name and save me from the dark.
Wake me up.
Bid my blood to run.
I can't wake up.
Before I come undone.
Save me.
Save me from the nothing I've become.)

Now that I know what I'm without
you can't just leave me.
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life.

Bring me to life.
I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside.
Bring me to life.

Frozen inside without your touch,
without your love, darling.
Only you are the life among the dead.

All of this time
I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark
but you were there in front of me

I've been sleeping a 1000 years it seems.
I've got to open my eyes to everything.

Without a thought
Without a voice
Without a soul

Don't let me die here
There must be something wrong.
Bring me to life.

Bring me to life.
I've been living a lie
There's nothing inside.

Bring me to life

2003-04-09T20:30:00.000-07:00

Rumplstilsknr374: i just farted
Rumplstilsknr374: it sounded like i squeezed a duck too hard

2003-04-06T21:10:00.001-07:00

Have you seen the light?

2003-04-06T21:10:00.000-07:00

Whooo my best fwiend is home.

2003-04-03T17:04:00.000-08:00

I want a sandwhich named after me.

I hate garrett middle school.

Hooplah

2003-04-01T20:48:00.000-08:00

what the world, needs now, is free-tow pie, its the only thing that i real...ly wanna eat.

2003-03-30T13:53:00.000-08:00

I really hate people sometimes.

I'm sure they hate me too.

Dylan Hallett for one. He's a fucking idiot. I despise his presence.

Doesn't everyone feel that way about Dylan?

I don't think many people like him. Or admire his, ha, intellegence. Dipshit.

I hope you die. We already know you'll be alone for the rest of your life. How could anyone like you? You're dumb, you're not
trust worthy what so ever, and you're not exactly a Brad Pitt. Maybe you'll be rich and people will "like" you then. Doubt it.
Unless they dub you the dumbest human, wait, animal, in existance, and you get money for it. I hate you. So does everyone else.

Whew I feel better. Oh yes, I don't like Adam. I just think he's cute. Jesus people are stupid.

2003-03-29T10:11:00.000-08:00

too bad it's M-A-R-I-L-Y-N

idiot.

I can feel myself up, thank you.

2003-03-26T20:43:00.000-08:00

everything has to change sooner or later, and if you spend all your time wishing it was the way it used to be, how's there going to be any time to enjoy what there is now?

-Lauren

2003-03-26T16:44:00.000-08:00

Well shit, I do have other friends.

Marylin Monroe is my idol. I'm sure you all knew that.

2003-03-23T16:28:00.000-08:00

Top Favorite Movies:
-Mermaids
-Girl, Interrupted
-Some Like it Hot
-The Virgin Suicides
-Who Framed Roger Rabbit

and many others..

2003-03-22T23:11:00.000-08:00

Loser

2003-03-21T21:31:00.000-08:00

LuckyBear634: so tell me a story
kaylabob86: umm... one time there was this turkey named selma..
kaylabob86: she didn't have too many friends because frankly she smelled bad
kaylabob86: so one day,
kaylabob86: she decided to kill a goat and sacrifice it's blood to the higher gods and pray for a more attractive scent..
kaylabob86: well as luck would have it, the discount store was fresh out of goats so selma ate her own leg instead.
kaylabob86: moral of the story: nobody likes a turkey that smells bad and is missing a leg.

Aint that the truth.
Coming from my twin...Kayla.

2003-03-21T16:24:00.000-08:00

Sweet Misery- Michelle Branch

I was lost
And you were found
You seemed to stand on solid ground

I was weak
And you were strong
And me and my guitar,
we strummed along, oh

Sweet misery you cause me
That's what you called me
Sweet misery you cause me

I was blind
But oh, how you could see
You saw the beauty in everything, everything and me

I would cry
And you would smile
You'd stay with me a little while

Sweet misery you cause me
That's what you called me
Sweet misery you cause me

And in my heart I see, oh
What you're doing to me
And in my heart I see, oh
Just how you wanted it to be
Sweet misery

Oh, whoa

Sweet misery you cause me
That's what you called me
Sweet misery you cause me

And in my heart I see, oh
What you're doing to me
And in my heart I see, oh
Just how you wanted it to be
Sweet misery

I was weak
And you were strong
And me and my guitar,
we strummed along

2003-03-21T16:03:00.000-08:00

Today was good. I just realized that I didn't really talk to my best friends at all today. Wow. It wasn't planned that way, and yet,
I don't feel as depressed. What to do...

You tyrant...I love you. I really do. Don't ever think I don't.

2003-03-19T20:13:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday, Sammie!

2003-03-19T20:10:00.000-08:00

Guillotine!?!?
What's next, an A-bomb?

2003-03-17T17:56:00.000-08:00

Yeah, yeah, Prince Charming. That could be so. But the thing is...I can't seem to find him.

Maybe I already have and just don't know it. Hello, Texas ;).

2003-03-16T22:13:00.000-08:00

Your Guy is Prince Charming!

The man for you is Prince Charming.

You need a sensitive, romantic man who will understand and listen.

You enter into relationships for love and need a committed man who will provide plenty of love and security.

What Guy is Right for *You*?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

2003-03-15T14:57:00.000-08:00

You Are A Romantic Kisser!

About Your Kissing Style:

You'll only kiss if the mood is right and if you think you are falling in love.

Some may say you're old fashioned, but when you kiss, you see stars!

One kiss from you, and anyone will be hooked forever.

What Your Kissing Style Says About You:

You're no prude, but if you're going to get sexual, it needs to mean something.

You prefer to take things slow, because it only makes them better in the long run.

You're much more likely to find yourself engaged than in some stranger's bed.

Your Personal Kissing Matches and Mismatches:

You and another Romantic Kisser is just pure bliss. You both enjoy the finer aspects of
seduction and have the preference of taking things slow. It's practially love at first site.
You'll also find yourself attracted to Juicy Kissers. The
way a Juicy Kisser locks eyes with you and draws you in is almost cosmic...

Manic Kissers are to be avoided at all costs. These kissers
love to kiss everyone and can never commit to one person. Next! Carnal Kissers aren't
your style either. They'll push you for sex way too soon... and get very upset when they don't get their way.

How Do *You* Kiss?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

2003-03-13T15:21:00.000-08:00

LuvrOfLaughter39: :-! or I will suffocate you with a banana
LuckyBear634: a banana eh?
LuckyBear634: well then.
LuvrOfLaughter39: :'( and you will cry
hhhheeeeeellllllpppppppp
LuckyBear634: and how could you suffocate me with a...banana?
LuvrOfLaughter39: :-D<<<<:-(<<<< LuckyBear634: I dont get it
LuvrOfLaughter39: because I will kick your a%^&ss
LuckyBear634: lol...did you try to censor the ass
LuvrOfLaughter39: lol yes
LuckyBear634: good job

2003-03-13T14:45:00.000-08:00

Why wont anything post!?!

2003-03-12T18:56:00.000-08:00

Regardless of what you were taught to believe, there never was anything wrong with you.

2003-03-12T17:13:00.000-08:00

I think the people out here eat antiques....yeah, real screwed up.

2003-03-12T13:29:00.000-08:00

My life consists of codependency and shampooing my carpet.

Dear Lord.

2003-03-12T11:20:00.000-08:00

Which Sesame Street Muppet Are You?

2003-03-12T11:16:00.000-08:00

You are FIREFLY! An adventuerous little pony with a
"Take no garbage" additude. Your
trademark move is the double inside out loop,
and you're just an all around awesome little
pony!

Which My little Pony Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-03-11T14:57:00.000-08:00

You are Love-A-Lot Bear!

You just love everything you can get your hands on.
You wish everything was perfectly happy in the
world. You love and are loved back and it makes
you happy to see others smiling.

What is your favorite Care Bear?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-03-11T14:54:00.000-08:00

I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide,
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.

2003-03-08T23:41:00.000-08:00

Mormon dance, or Mikayla's suicidal issues...

What would you pick?

2003-03-08T23:40:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday, Sara!

2003-03-08T20:26:00.000-08:00

I could care less anymore about this petty garbage. Runner-up? Who the hell is keeping score? Only me. But I quit. I'm through.How pathetic.

2003-03-07T17:46:00.000-08:00

Selbstmord über pillen.

2003-03-06T18:52:00.000-08:00

Selfishness:
1 : concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others
2 : arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others

Jealousy:
1 : a jealous disposition, attitude, or feeling
2 : zealous vigilance

2003-03-06T17:23:00.000-08:00

Slash slash, and it'll all be okay.

...wont it?

2003-03-05T18:36:00.000-08:00

Arghhhh, sometimes I could really kick my grandma...

And this is my advice to you:
Tell him. You can't wait to tell him, this isn't like saying you forgot it was his birthday or something. His lack of self confindence
and self-esteem is just holding you back; making you think that you can't possibly do something like this to him because it'll hurt
him too much. All he is doing is bringing you down. He needs to learn to love himself. Gosh, how many times have I told you this?
You can't keep putting it off. Just gather up all your courage, and say, " Look, I'm sorry, but we can't keep going on like this. Come
June this is going to hurt us so bad we'll wonder why we didn't do it when we weren't as close. Being with you is wonderful, but it's
going against everything I've ever said and believed. I always swore that I would wait until I was 16 to date. And I did. But being
involved with you, 15, is a huge contradiction. I need time to think about what's important right now. And you need alone time too.
You need to think about what's best for you, your integrity, and your standards. I'm sorry. And if you're mad, I understand. Just
don't stop being my friend. I need your friendship more than anything. I hope in time you can forgive me."

You don't have to go word for word or anything, but you get my point. You have to do this. You can't put it off, because it's going to
be painful enough as it is. And he's going to hurt, and be mad, and probably wont talk to you for a while. But you can't let it get
you down. You have to keep going with your gut instinct: Wait, and focus on what's best for you. Because of all the people in this
situation, you are the one you need to worry about. Only you can make you happy, sad, and everything else. You can do it. I have total faith in you. Just do it soon. Soon. I love you, you're my sister, and I'm here for you. Always.

2003-03-03T22:53:00.000-08:00

"What a waste it is to lose one's mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."
- Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President

And to think that that man may have had the chance to run our nation. Oh dear.

Das Limpet!
Egyptian Elvis
I like green eggs, and I like ham.

2003-03-02T19:15:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday, Jack!

2003-03-02T14:56:00.000-08:00

Spidey M6341: last night, i talked in my sleep, and tiffany talked back in hers
ktmrider8a: kewl
ktmrider8a: was brad there?

2003-03-02T10:52:00.000-08:00

Man, it's almost been a week since I've posted. Sorry about that. I went to Disneyland. It was cool. I'm confused about things that
are going on in my life. I'm confused about where I'm going next year, about whether I should really go through with confirmation or
not, and ha, the most important one, how much I want to stop playing the piano. Which shall I start with? The easy one, the piano.
For the past 6 months I've developed a sincere hate for the piano. I don't want to play it anymore, and I don't find it fun as I used to. I think it all started when my grandma started hounding me during the summer to get back into lessons. Usually, I am excited to get back into lessons every year, but this particular year, I didn't want to. But I did, thinking I was just in a slump. I've got to tell
you that I hate the piano so much that I can't bear thinking about it. My grandma bought me an apartment piano for Christmas,
which I was rather angry with. I know that sounds ingrateful, but I'm telling you the God honest truth. Every lesson I try to get out of, and I always have this plan that when I go next time, I'm going to tell my teacher, who I'm sure is rather fed up with my
flakeyness regarding weekly lessons, that I want to quit, but I don't know how to tell my grandma. I'm tired of wasting my teacher's time, and my grandma's money. I hate it when she tells me that if I do quit, I'll be throwing away a wonderful talent. Well, I do know how to read music, and I do have access to a few pianos, so I wouldn't be wasting it really. I just wouldn't be playing it all the friggen time. IDK. I'll figure it out, some day.
Another thing that's been boggling my mind so to say is my relgious choices. I'm totally confused on whether or not I really want
to go through with confirmation with the Catholic religion in the next 2 years. I don't go to church on my own, I've always been I
guess forced by my family, the main influence being again, my grandma. I was baptized (well, sorta, it was the kinda yeah I'll just
sprinkle ya with a little holy water and shaboom, you're Catholic) when I was seven, and I've honestly never understood one single
liturgy in my 9 years of baptism. Now I don't know about you (and I really don't know why I keep referring to the imaginary 'you' that I keep talking to), but I don't think that that's a good thing. The most exciting part about going to Mass was the doughnuts at
the end. I like CCD and all, but I guess I feel somewhat fake while I attend class. I think that I'm just there because the rest of my
family goes, and so I must follow the line and be a Catholic. I don't know. A serious though process is needed to make a decision
on this subject. Got any ideas? E-mail me.
I've still been seriously considering leaving Boulder and going to live with my Dad for junior year. I haven't really talked to him
about it, and of course my mother and grandma are trying their hardest to change my already confused mind. I think it would be
for the best if I did leave. I wouldn't fight with my mom, I wouldn't be constantly under pressure with my judgemental family and
grandma, and I wouldn't go to the Catholic church, but rather the Christian one, which I understand much better. It's a time in most of the people my age's life to start seriously considering what's best for them in their future. Yeah. But it's all such a mess in
my head. I need to talk to my dad about it. I know he would help me make a decision that's in my best interest, not just what he
wants. Infact I think I'll call him right now.
Well, that's about all that's considered crisis in my world. I hope you're doing well. Gosh, I'm such a schizo.

2003-02-25T17:47:00.000-08:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

2003-02-25T17:19:00.000-08:00

Love, Love will keep us together
Think of me babe whenever
Some sweet talking guy comes along singing his song
Don't mess around,
You got to be strong
Just Stop, 'cause I really love You
Stop, I'll be thinking of you
Look in my heart and let love keep us together

You, You belong to me now
Ain't gonna set you free now
When those guys start hanging around talking me down
Hear with your heart and you won't hear a sound
Just Stop, 'cause I really love you
Stop, I'll be thinking of you
Look in my heart and let love keep us together

Whatever
young and beautiful
Someday your looks will be gone
When the others turn you off
Who'll be turning you on

I will, I will, I will,
I will be there to share forever
Love will keep us together
Said it before and I'll say it again while others pretend
I'll need you now and I'll need you then
Stop 'cause I really love You
Stop I'll be thinking of You
Look in my heart and let love keep us together

-Captian and Tennile

2003-02-24T20:25:00.000-08:00

Wow.

where do I go now that I'm here
I look up and the sun graces my face
but the taste in my mouth is of hate
to look down is frightening
the thought of being alone keeps me awake at night
with no sound and no one there to comfort
when I should be sleeping, thoughts start running through my head
I squint my eyes and shut them out, shut out the darkness shut out myself
covering my head with blankets so the monsters can't come
can't find my true self that needs to be acknowledged, I need to let it out
I need to let myself out, I'm living a lie and I'm sick of it…I have many deep thoughts
but everything that flies out of my mouth is shallow
I can't keep doing this
why do I do this? why can't I just let go
let go of what haunts me, let go of what keeps the nightmares living
let go of what I want but foolishly squandered away
I let it the wanted things go, I let them go…others didn't take them from me
I let them go
those words are terrifying
I let them go
not they, but I
it was me who did this, not these shadows dancing on the wall
not the monsters creeping in my dreams, not the monsters creeping in my life
I have so many great things but I can't get past this hole,
there are ways to escape, to find the light that shines so bright
but I can't, not now… but I can when I let the deep out and keep the shallow at bay
my words will have meaning, my heart revealed
the secrets of me kept locked away will find their place to live
mistakes and regrets, they aren’t worth holding onto, but they captivate me
always thinking, I can't do this I might regret it…what happened to the simplicity of happiness
I'm starving myself, and if I don't keep feeding this delicacy of words to my soul I will collapse
collapse in the arms of stoicism, of pretending and masks, of costumes and fakery
wait this sounds familiar, this dramatic play of life is a rerun in my head, running over and over till I am sick, sick of masks and characters instead of reality, no one wants to be themselves, including me
but that is all I want, to be… me, to desert my character and not need masks and theatrical lights to illuminate my face and personality, I need to rescue myself before I die and this stoicism reigns again, but I can't do this alone.
it's a chapter of my life I might not be able to change, only time will tell

-Courtney Cattoir

I really hope she doesn't mind me posting this. Such a visionary poet she is. Courtney, keep writing, blossom more into what you
are becoming. You inspire me.

2003-02-24T17:30:00.000-08:00

The glitter! It's engulfing my body! Ahh Ahh Ahh.

HaHAHAHahHAhaHHAHahAHhaHAHHAhahahHAHahHAHahHAHAhHAhHahaHAhHahHA!

2003-02-23T16:06:00.000-08:00

you are the cute but psycho happy bunny. You
adorable, but a little out there. It's alright,
you might not have it all, but there are worse

which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-02-23T16:00:00.000-08:00

Green Eyes

What Color Eyes Should You Have?
brought to you by Quizilla

2003-02-23T00:22:00.000-08:00

2003-02-22T15:15:00.000-08:00

"Don't move, sugarpuss."

-Courtney

Well, our girls night out was successful. Thank goodness. One for How to Lose a guy, please. Oh man. And then they all like to sit on me and enable my suffication. Oh well. I don't like gyms, that's all. Why can't you just understand that? And especially with
you three twigs. I felt more comfortable with basketball. Thank you for going though. Locking people out of the house tends to
depress people greatly. I'm sorry about that. I didn't mean it to be directed at just Sam. Infact, I didn't even think about her in that
process. Oh well, though. She feels that now she is a teenager. There's a dance tonight. I don't know if I'm going. I'll dress Brad up though. Sleep.
MLB